Cold Comforts

I write in haste, as I'm about to fall into bed and snuggle under the warm covers for the night.

Our little corner of the world has been so cold these past few days! Obviously, it's winter, so it's going to be cold, but this is almost science fiction cold.

The winter just makes you want to sleep all the time: Darkness falls at around 4:30 in the afternoon, and it's so freezing that you just want to wrap up in sweaters and flannel and pull on thick socks, wriggle under a blanket and blearily watch TV.

Despite the frigid temps, the winter nights have been so beautiful. There was a Blue Moon this past New Year's Eve, and I swear the moon stayed full up until two nights ago. The stars twinkled silvery-blue and bright, and that full icy moon shone between the skeletal bare tree branches. The scant grass was weighted down with frost, and it glittered like crushed diamonds.

I can't enjoy this frozen yet pretty winter landscape too long, though; even in a thick down coat and hat and gloves, I can't last outside longer than twenty-minutes.

Winter is as beautiful a season as any other, but it's a shame that it's often overlooked, or even loathed, by so many people.

Now, if I only had a fireplace...and a grand,old Victorian or antebellum house in which to put the big fireplace with the roaring, toasty fire...

Shoes, etc.

Ahhhh, shoes!

Like most women all over the world, I have a thing for shoes. I have two main vices: shoes and visits to the salon. I love getting my hair colored and styled, and regular bikini waxes are essential to me.

Anyway, check out these ultra sexy and feminine lace and satin Guess heels I bought; they were a Christmas gift to myself this year! They were moderately expensive, but I got such a good deal on two other pairs of name-brand shoes on clearance at Marshall's, that I practically saved money!

Needless to say, that's about all the splurging I can do on myself for a while. I have to start saving my money for the University of Tennessee for my summer semester classes very soon. I'm so excited, though; one of my classes is an advanced fiction writing class. Also keeping my fingers crossed and rubbing Buddha's belly hoping to snag a writing scholarship, and maybe even get something published soon.

And since it's been a while since I've posted, a synopsis of the past three months: work; school; work, sleep, study, writing; lost a dear friend; Christmas and New Year's coming and going in a fast blur;I turned 37; a Brazilian wax;work;sleep.

Jesus Freaks Out in the Streets...Or the Parking Lot

Yesterday I was out running some errands, and I stopped at the Pilot to buy a money order. As most people are when they run in and out of any gas station or grocery store, I was in a hurry.

I noticed a pasty fat guy standing next to the entrance doors, and out of my peripheral vision I also noted he was staring at me. He looked semi-normal--t-shirt, shorts, tennis shoes, Baptist haircut, and he was clutching something in his hand. But there was also something determined and unsettling about him, but I sensed nothing dangerous or threatening about him, plus it was broad daylight in a crowded parking lot.

As soon as I got out of my car and walked toward the store, he leaped over to my car. "Here we go," I thought, but I felt nervy and oddly revved up, ready to go at it with him. This could be fun...

"Hello, Maam, how are you today?" he said in a syrupyand slightly infuriating voice . He held up a card in his hand, "I'm just gonna leave this card with you," just knowing I would take it, not expecting any refusal.

He leaned forward to put in under my windshield wiper. "No, don't do that," I said sternly, "I'm not interested."

He straightened up from his leaning position, card still in raised arm, his eyes wide. "But it's information about our Lord Jesus Christ," he said incredulously. "Are you sure you're not interested?"

I looked at him; I felt angry and interfered with. I bore my eyes into his, cut him to the quick with my unflinching gaze. "I am absolutely sure I'm not interested," I said in a tone that brooked no argument or challenge.

He stepped away from me, as if I was the Whore of Babylon; many emotions raced across his face: surprise, chagrin, annoyance. And then he uttered something that really pissed me off.

"Have a nice day; we love you," he said in a self-righteously arrogant tone.

I stopped, wanting to stomp over to him, grab him by his stupid shirt and make him face me. I wanted to demand who the "we" he was refferring to were. Did he mean he and Jesus? And if so, what would Jesus think of this pompous, pestering unemplyed man assuming that he could speak for Jesus?

And does he truly believe that Jesus would approve of him accosting and pestering people in places like gas stations, malls, grocery stores on a Friday afternoon, passing out dumb little mass-produced cars or leaflets filled with platitudes?

Because that guy--and almost every other man or woman I've encountered who do this sort of thing--have a pompous, judgemental, and self-righteous attitude. They also have a sense of entitlement, and can get downright pushy and nasty when you don't play along with their agendas.

But, I still had unfinished errands to run, and I didn't have time to get into a theological and moral argument with someone who wouldn't listen anyway. So I said nothing.

I have no problem with Christians or any other religion to which people choose to attach themselves. But why do people feel the need to push their religious or political views on other people? Especially religious beliefs; I've always thought religion should be a private and personal thing, between God--or Gaia, or Allah, or Mother Goddess, or whomever--and you, that's it.

Maybe I should print up a bunch of my own leaflets and carry them with me all the time. They would promulgate the peaceful, women-centered and earth-loving religion of Paganism, or explain the glorious intensity and history of Voodoo.

That way, next time one of them knocks on my door, or approaches me in a parking lot, I could say, "Sure, I'll take your pamphlet, but you have to take one of mine!"

Confessions of a College "Girl"

Sometimes it's hard to not feel like an outcast.

At college, for example. I'm a 30-something woman who's gone back to school after a long unintentional abscence. When I walk by a group of shiny-faced, 20-year-old girls simultaneously walking and chatting on their Blackberries, with their uber-expensive North Face backpacks, I feel like some kind of pariah. As if I should scuttle back to the castle, chased by Gen Y'ers brandishing torches and throwing stones at me.

And boy, don't I feel like some predatory Puma when I can't help but notice the veritable bevy of very cute, yet VERY young college guys!! (Note: It's okay to look!! I'm married, not blind!!)

Surely I don't belong amongst these spoiled kids, with their shiny new SUV's and brand new expensive laptops and breathless conversations about being rushed by their sororities. I drive an adequate and sensible car that was given to me by someone--and it's the nicest car I've ever owned, with working AC and plush upholstery. And I will never join a sorority (nothing against anyone in a sorority, but it's not my style), and as for my laptop I just got, it's the first one I've ever owned in my life.

Sure, I'm a little envious; I wish I didn't have to worry about working enough hours to pay for my tuition and books, and I wish I could spend more money on clothes shopping or a trip to the salon once in a while.

But it helps that I see a lot of older students spattered amongst the throngs of young faces. And it helps that I remember how grateful I am to be able to go to school. It helps to know I would be the same age even if I wasn't back in college, so I might as well have a degree.

And it definitely helps that I look 10 years younger than my actual age! (At least that's what the many stunned people say when I tell them how old I am!)

Back to School

First day of class at UT this past Monday. I could only afford to take one class this semester, and paying for that single class literally broke the bank for me. Sometimes I feel like putting up a PayPal account on my blog for donations. It would read something like, "All donations for poor, struggling hard-working older college student will be greatly appreciated."

I have to get my past financial aid mess cleaned up, and then hopefully I'll be able to get some federal aid in my ongoing educational career.

Anyway, the class is an upper-level Fiction Writing course, and I think I'm going to really enjoy it. The class is small--about fourteen people--and the professor is cool and creative and quite learned. My only gripe: The Humanities building classroom apparantely has no air conditioning.

You know what, though? I love it all: The intimidating size of the university, the swarms of milling students' bodies, even the hot stuffy non-air-conditioned classroom.

Summer Reading

Is there anything better to do on a hot summer day than drift around the lake or pool on a float with your favorite book?

Pretty hard to top. Monday we went up to Norris Lake (probably the prettiest and cleanest lake around these parts), where our friend took us out on the water in his boat. The lake water was that rich bright green, and with the goodly supply of rain we've had this year, the water level was very high and clean. You could see the fish flitting around your feet in the clear water.

The sun was so hot, and there were maybe two big puffy white clouds in the blindingly blue sky. It felt so good to dive into the lake from the boat, the water a perfect temperature, and so cool and silky. After slathering copious amounts of sunscreen on my face and body, I wriggled onto the float and read for a few minutes before falling asleep, lulled by the rocking of the gentle waves, and the warm sunlight.

Cosmic Prescription For Myself

Anything worth having is never easy.

If writing were easy, everyone would do it.


Take each of the above inspirational quotes, repeat several times a day, everyday, until they sink into your brain, and you are reaping the cosmic and spiritual fruits or your labors!